Sober
by Jillyan Moon
Summary: A song fic to P!nk's Sober. Kind of dark.


I don't own Twilight or the song Sober by P!nk

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It has been 2 months since the Cullen's had moved back to Forks, WA. At first all I wanted was their attention, I wanted Edward back. I wanted to go back to be the sweet innocent Bella that I was before he left me 5 months ago. I don't even know who I am any more. After I snapped out of my daze, I had taken a job in Port Angeles and was discovered as a model apparently not eating makes you just the right amount of skinny. My manager Brock got me into a new group of friends, drinking, drugs and sex became a part of my life.

_I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest  
Or the girl who never wants to be alone  
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the mornin'  
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home  
_  
Charlie and I don't have a relationship anymore. I moved out I have my own little condo I know attend Forks High anymore I had more money then I knew what to do with and I spent it all. New house, amazing car that would make the Cullen's drool and a wardrobe that would put Alice's to shame. The funny part was you would think I was the vampire. All the best parties happen at night so of course I spent my days sleeping and my nights out with all the other models and what not.

Ah, the sun is blindin'  
I stayed up again  
Oh, I am findin'  
That's not the way I want my story to end

The Cullen's still have not seen me since they moved back. Staying in Seattle is what makes me safe. I am far enough away where I don't have to worry about running into them. Part of me wants them to see what I have become. Is this what Edward had in mind when he left me? Because I am farely certain he did not.

_I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me  
But why do I feel this party's over?  
No pain inside, you're my protection  
But how do I feel this good sober?_

Another night another party, a different boy. We were sitting in the VIP booths and everyone started to get quiet it happened when the high starts to fade. I quickly bring up the next fashion show but stop mind sentence. I hate filling the silence but it scares me when I don't. So I grab another drink and let the buzzing begin to fill my head. Jason offers me another hit, I take it without second though soon those voices will start to go away. Charlie shows up when we are leaving I don't know why he even bothers I wont remember even seeing him in the morning.

_I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence  
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth  
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation  
'Cause I won't remember, save your breath  
'Cause what's the use?_

I get home. I'm alone. My phone rings it's Allegra she wants to go out for awhile more. I don't know why I agreed but I did. I don't know how to handle the nights alone anymore. I always had Edward to keep the nightmares away. Ever since he left I keep myself in this haze.

_Ah, the night is callin'  
And it whispers to me softly, "Come and play"  
But I, I am fallin'  
And if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame_

I met Allegra at the club and see a group of people I never thought I would ever see again. The Cullen's I thought I was safe here. I have a feeling the Party is over for tonight.

"Bella?" I hear the hesitation in Alice's voice as she approaches me

Nodding I grab another shot and down it like a pro. I watch them stare.

"What do you want?" I ask my voice devoid of emotion talk about a buzz kill

"What happened to you?" Asked Rosalie after a moment of silence.

"Always to the point eh Rose?" I laugh humourly "I moved on. Having these wonderful human moments." I glare at Edward the first real emotion that I show

They look dumb founded when Michael approaches kisses me hands me a tiny white pill and a long island. I pop it and chase it with the drink. I smile my thanks and kiss him back.

"Do you want something?" I asked

"We want you back." Whispered Emmett he looked heart broken

_I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me  
But why do I feel this party's over?  
No pain inside, you're like perfection  
But how do I feel this good sober?_

I don't know what happened but the next think I remember was waking up in Forks General Hospital. I give you three guess who my attending is. Dr. Carlise Cullen.

"Hello Bella." He says it so sadly

"Hi." I whisper

"Bella we had to flush your system. You may feel some withdrawl symptoms." He explained to me

After several minutes I break down. For the first time in 4 months I was sober. I could think with out the constant haze. I couldn't believe some of the things I had done. But is it possible for me to redeem myself?

_Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down  
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round  
I'm lookin' for myself, sober_

Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down  
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round  
Lookin' for myself, sober

It's been great but I made myself a promise I am going to clean up. I hear a tentative knock on my door. Alice comes in alone.

"I am so sorry." She whispers I knew if she could cry she would be. I must look like hell ran over.

"I don't know how to find myself anymore." I whisper back

"If you'll let us, we will help you." She whispers back

I just nod.

_When it's good, then it's good, it's so good 'til it goes bad  
'Til you're trying to find the you that you once had  
I have heard myself cry 'never again'  
Broken down in agony, just tryin' find a friend, oh, oh_

1 year later. It has been one year since my collapse and I allowed the Cullen's back into my life. I don't know how I felt safe anywhere else. They have all been through the whole thing with me. My rehab my making up with my parents and getting myself healthy. Alice is my best friend again, Rosalie and I are actually getting along. Emmett is of course the protective big brother, and surprisingly Jasper has become very protective as well. Edward and I are taking out time. But I know my life is better now.

_I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me  
But why do I feel this party's over?  
No pain inside, you're like perfection  
But how do I feel this good sober?_

I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me  
But why do I feel this party's over?  
No pain inside, you're like perfection  
But how do I feel this good sober?

It's been 2 years and I have finally figured out how to feel so good sober.


End file.
